Tell Me About It

There's something magical about the way children communicate. It's raw, unfiltered, and filled with pure excitement. A few days ago, I shared an interaction with a young boy that made me reflect on what it truly means to connect with others.

Walking into the indoor soccer field, like I do almost every day, I noticed a young boy about my daughter's age, proudly pulling a Paw Patrol suitcase alongside his mother. Hoping to share a friendly greeting, I commented on the characters (Marshall, Chase and Rubble) decorating his luggage. His response reminded me about what the core principle of communication is. His face lit up instantly, and he launched into an enthusiastic, rapid-fire description of his favourite characters, episodes and adventures from the show. I found myself simply standing there and smiling, completely captivated by his emotion and excitement.

That moment stayed with me.

We sometimes think that connection is about finding the right words or discovering common ground. But watching this boy's joy unfold, I was reminded that genuine connection is built in the spaces we create for others to share. It isn't about what we say, it's about how we listen. It isn't about what we say, it's about how we listen (yes, i meant it twice). That little boy wasn't seeking my expertise or opinion on Paw Patrol; he just wanted someone to share in his excitement. The moment I opened that door, even just a crack, he walked through it wholeheartedly. That small and simple connection brightened his day and changed mine for the better.

In sports, leadership, and life, we often misunderstand communication. We focus on delivering the perfect message, crafting inspiring speeches, or maintaining a commanding presence. But real connection isn't about speaking, it's about listening. It's about saying, "Tell me about it," and then being fully present for the answer.

As coaches, teammates, and mentors, we can create more of these meaningful moments. Instead of rushing to offer advice, corrections, or our own stories, we can pause and invite others to share theirs. We build stronger relationships not by talking more, but by helping others feel truly heard.

The best leaders aren't necessarily the most eloquent speakers, they're often the most attentive listeners. They excel at creating spaces where others feel welcome, valued, and understood.

Chris Voss, who you may have seen or heard from lately, wrote a great book on communication called Never Split the Difference (you can also find some great podcast content from him). Chris emphasizes what he calls "tactical empathy." His techniques, like mirroring (repeating someone's last few words to encourage them to continue) and labeling (acknowledging emotions by saying) "It sounds like you're feeling..." create genuine connections in everyday conversations.

Here are 6 practical ways to become a better listener:

1. Mirror Their Words: Repeat the last few words someone says to show engagement and encourage them to continue sharing.

2. Label Emotions: Acknowledge feelings with phrases like "It sounds like you're feeling..." to validate their experience.

3. Embrace the Pause: Resist the urge to fill silence immediately after someone speaks. Let quiet moments create space for deeper conversation.

4. Use Minimal Encouragers: Incorporate small verbal cues like "I see," "Go on," or "That makes sense" to show active listening without dominating the discussion.

5. Practice Paraphrasing: Repeat what you've heard in your own words to ensure understanding and show you're paying attention.

6. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Replace yes/no questions with "What was that like for you?" or "How did that make you feel?" to invite deeper sharing.

Active listening goes beyond just hearing words, it's about making people feel seen, heard, and valued. When we give someone our complete attention, we signal their importance in that moment. It's a simple yet powerful way to build trust, strengthen relationships, and create meaningful connections.

Challenge yourself to truly listen, not to respond, but to understand. You might discover that the more you listen, the more others open up, and the deeper your connections become.

Next time you want to connect, try it: “Tell me about it”. And then, just listen. You might be surprised at what unfolds.