Not My Trainset: Finding Peace in What You Can't Control

A friend recently shared a phrase his director often uses: "Not my trainset." It’s a simple yet profound way of saying, I care about this work, but I recognize my limits.

In professional life, we often pour our hearts and expertise into projects, teams, or strategies, only to watch someone higher up redirect, dismantle, or completely overhaul our work. The natural response? Frustration, disappointment and in my case, maybe even anger. But the wisdom behind "not my trainset" reminds us of a fundamental truth: ultimate control was never ours to begin with (and in Life, it never really is).

The Illusion of Ownership 

When we lead teams or manage projects, we’re essentially borrowing authority. The organization, the client, or the senior leadership has temporarily entrusted us with a piece of their vision. We might improve it, innovate upon it, or make it run more smoothly, but ownership remains elsewhere.

This isn’t cynicism; it’s clarity. Understanding this dynamic frees us from the burden of false ownership and the emotional turmoil that follows when decisions are made beyond our control.

The Emotional Trap

When the trainset gets reclaimed or rerouted, our reaction reveals our level of professional maturity. Those who respond with frustration, passive aggression, or outright defiance don’t just damage their reputation, they demonstrate a fundamental misunderstanding of their role. As Marcus Aurelius wrote:

"You have power over your mind, not outside events. Realize this, and you will find strength."

Your value isn’t diminished when leadership goes in a different direction. Your competence isn’t erased when priorities shift. What is evaluated, however, is how you handle these transitions.

Beyond Resignation: Balancing Passion and Detachment 

"Not my trainset" isn’t about apathy or disengagement. It’s not about giving up or checking out. Instead, it’s about finding the balance between passionate commitment and emotional detachment. You can advocate vigorously for your perspective while maintaining the grace to accept when decisions don’t go your way.

Admiral William H. McRaven put it best: "Control your emotions, or they will control you."

Those who master this balance thrive in leadership, coaching, and business long term. Organizations value individuals who can separate personal investment from professional perspective.

The Freedom in Acceptance 

There’s a surprising freedom in acknowledging the limits of control. Instead of wasting energy on frustration, you can redirect it toward areas where you do have influence. By embracing "not my trainset," you:

• Preserve your professional reputation

• Maintain productive relationships with decision-makers

• Conserve emotional energy for battles that truly matter

• Demonstrate adaptability—one of the most valued traits in today’s world

Moving Forward

The most respected professionals aren’t those who never face setbacks or rejection. They’re the ones who navigate these challenges with composure.

As theologian Reinhold Niebuhr wrote in the Serenity Prayer:

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

When the trainset is taken away or altered, disappointment is natural. The real question is: Will that disappointment control you, or will you control it? 

Final Thought

"Make the best use of what is in your power, and take the rest as it happens." - Epictetus

The trainset may not be yours, but your expertise, attitude, and professionalism are. Those are entirely within your control. No one can take them away, unless you surrender them through poor reactions to circumstances beyond your influence.

The trainset will always be moved by someone else. Your choice is whether you’ll be invited back to work on it again tomorrow.